Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Coming Down Part 2

Now that I'm not going 100 mph and not working on school work and projects and going non-stop, I'm coming down.  This usually happens when I'm finished with a semester and I have a few extra hours a day on my hand.  But this time I've just come off a whirlwind 7 weeks of real estate boot camp, extra classes and crazy group projects.  I'm barely getting over my stress-induced head cold and I've been given a minute to breath.  And all of a sudden, I feel like all the emotions I've suppressed for the last two months have come bubbling up to the surface at once.

It's just me, laying around the apartment.  Listening to music, ironing my work pants and putting away paperwork that's been nagging me.  I still have a paper to write and textbooks to read, but I'm taking a moment to slow down. 

And I'm crying.  Because I'm overwhelmed with all these crazy emotions I've had to keep bottled inside while attempting to conquer everything else in my life.  After all, this is why I keep myself extraordinarily busy and over scheduled. 

I can't help but think about how much it hurts that my father never calls. Or that I'm unbelievably anxious that I'm going to be done with business school in a mere five months because after that, I have no idea what this life holds for me.  Or that I'm unbearably frightened by the thought of leaving the only person I want to wipe away my tears.  The possibilities for the rest of my life are endless and amazing and I can't wait to meet them, but the task of trying to wrap my head around all of it is a bit overwhelming at times. 

The last year has been unbelievable.  And I have no doubt the next twelve months will be equally astounding.  But part of me wishes I had just the slightest of clues as to where it's going to take me.  I feel as though I'm walking blindly towards my future, with a firm faith that everything will be alright, but with very little reassurance. 

The bottom line is that I need to stop taking myself so seriously; everything works out for the best in the end.  And usually when we least expect it. 

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