Chaos

It's amazing how getting off track in the beginning of the semester can really mess things up.  That sounds a bit dramatic, but because Mel's been in town since before I started school three weeks ago, I haven't been able to get into a study/homework routine.  Don't get me wrong; it was absolutely wonderful to have her around and I think we both really needed each other's company considering everything that's been going on.  But now it's cram time and I'm just into week three of fourteen. 

To make matters worse, I'm leaving town tonight and I'll be missing both of my classes this week.  My marketing professor is letting me make up this week's quiz before class next Wednesday (less than 48 hours after I land back in LA) and then next Thursday I'll have a quiz and a case due for a finance lecture I won't be able to attend.  None of this is the end of the world, but I much prefer to start off the semester feeling like I'm on top of things. 

The good news is that I'm going back to Detroit for almost a week.  It's not ideal timing, but I'm working around my cousin's wedding so I didn't exactly have a choice.  My oldest brother is having issues with his business partner and my dad just moved out of his boyfriend's condo, so I'm walking into a bit of a storm.  But I'm glad that I can be there for both of them.  I miss my brothers something fierce and I'm super excited to take some real time off.  I'll be studying a lot while I'm home and everyone else is at work, but I get to hang out with my family including my godparents who are in town from Charlotte. 

My blog posting is indirectly proportional to how busy I am at work.  For two weeks, the office was down to minimal staff.  One of the assistants is out on maternity leave and bed rest for seven months, and another was on her honeymoon.  That meant that there were two of us in the office to do everything that we would ideally have five staff members to complete.  And while work picking up is a good sign of healthy business, it also means that I have even less energy to crack the books once I've hit the gym, gone home, made dinner and thrown in laundry.  I'm not able to accomplish much if I can't feel a deadline breathing down my neck, but I don't function well when I'm overwhelmed either.  Hopefully my trip home will be both productive and relaxing. 

Growing Up

I'll be the first to admit that I've been in the middle of what they call a quarter-life crisis (on and off) for the past three years.  At twenty-five, we were in the midst of the mortgage melt-down and I was about to lose my job.  I lived alone in an apartment I could barely afford, had but a few friends (most of whom regularly ignored me to spend time with their significant others) and was the heaviest I'd ever been. 

It's three years later.  And while I have great friends, am in business school, completed three half-marathons in less than two years and have a stable and usually enjoyable job, I live on my own, have put on a few pounds since I was running more regularly, and am still single.

I've learned so much about myself and done so many cool things (well I haven't really traveled like I've wanted to, but I manage to live my vacation every day) in the last three years.  Part of me has become more cynical and jaded, but I've become so much stronger, confident and comfortable in my own skin. 

 

I am, however, at that dreaded point in any girls life; when all her old friends get married. Because of the likes of Facebook, gone are the days when I can ignorantly (but blissfully) assume that everyone from my past is miserable, lonely, fat and single.  I mean, not that I would wish that on anyone, but I like to think that my adventurous life in California is super glamorous compared to everyone else. 

But here's the thing.  I went to a private high school and had some pretty cool friends.  The vast majority left the state to go to college and like most people of social mobility in Southeast Michigan, never returned.  They're living equally wonderful lives in places like Columbus, Milwaukee, Phoenix, Chicago and DC.  And now they're getting married and having babies while I go to school, go to bars and spend my weekends hanging out with my girl friends, studying, going to the beach and hiking. 

Obviously, I love my life.  But I can't help but wonder if I missed the boat on the whole marriage/baby thing.  I eventually want a family of my own.  I want to own a house, paint shutters, and soothe a crying baby.  Have I missed my opportunity for that?  Is my window closing on this kind of thing?  I try not to be in the habit of comparing my life to others, but when everyone else is doing something, it seems hard not to.

Spring Cleaning

A new month, a new season, a new year, a new semester, a new fancy gym membership and a new outlook. Having a birthday, attending a friend's wedding and spending some time alone has been really refreshing in a way.  I feel more like myself than I have in months.  I remembered some lessons.  I remembered that I'm the happiest when I'm active and accomplishing goals.  That I can be happy alone.  That life really is amazing. 

So it's time to start running again.  Time to break up my monotonous work and head downstairs to the gym to release steam, clear my head and shed the (ahem) weight of the world.  A new killer gym membership wasn't necessarily the most fiscally responsible decision I've ever made, but I'm ever so glad I did it.  I consider good health and the good mood it brings an investment.  And frankly, a lot cheaper than a therapist.

The days are getting longer and the evenings are getting warmer.  There's a reason people equate spring and summer with love and romance.  It's the time of the year when the earth renews itself and comes alive.  I may sound like a Real Housewife, but I too am anxious to renew myself. It's time to clean away my demons, or at least pack them up and put them away in the back of the closet or under the bed, where they clearly belong.

I have a tendency to be my own worst enemy.  I can let my moods spiral out of control and lose myself.  My stubbornness and willfulness can get in the way of my own happiness.  I've realized that sometimes you have to let life happen.  Because I've been feeling a little stuck lately, my anxiety was pushed into overdrive.  Needlessly I tell ya.  Needlessly.  Because I'm OK.  I'm doing just fine.  Excellent in fact.  Because classes start again this week ;)